Some of us were brought up with a strange notion that suggests saying what we want is a bad thing. Many of us sort of, kind of, pretty much know what we want. We feel what we want. We have a vague idea of the direction we need to go to get what we want. But for whatever reason, saying it out loud to another person feels wrong.
The message we send to ourselves goes something like: “You should not say what you want. That’s being selfish. That’s only thinking about yourself. You should give to others. Defer to others. Put others first. If you say what you want, you’ll appear egotistical or self-centered, and that’s not good.” And so sometimes we don’t get what we want.
More often than not, I would argue, is that we get what we want, but it becomes a tortured journey getting there. We want someone to read out minds. Figure it out for us. Guess what we want. We dance around it. Hint around it. Pout around it. Throw a fit around it. Withdraw and give someone the “deep freeze” over it. And all of it is a waste of energy, and in most cases, could have been avoided had we simply said: “This is what I want.”
Saying what we want takes a lot of courage. But when we say it, when we can be clear about it within ourselves and with others, and when it’s offered sincerely and genuinely, it becomes a very good thing. If we say what we want and the other person cannot provide it, then that person is free to say “no.” Hearing “no” isn’t necessarily easy, but there are worse things in life than hearing the word “no.”
It’s the beginning of a New Year. Take a Breath. Open up your heart. Let down your guard. Be true to yourself. And say what you want to say this year.